hds_beltane: Kestrel for gingertart50

hds_beltane (

hds_beltane) wrote,
@ 2008-05-18 00:06:00

Current music:	The Jody Grind: Hands of June
Entry tags:	angst, epilogue children, fic, gingertart50, hp/ss, lomonaaeren, pg13, romance

Kestrel for gingertart50
Title: Kestrel
For: gingertart50
Author: lomonaaeren
Pairings: Harry/Snape, past Harry/Ginny
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: DH SPOILERS, including the epilogue. (Snape didn’t die). Profanity, brief scenes of violence.
Word count: ~25,000
Summary: When his son James is wounded, Harry goes to Severus Snape for help. Snape, of course, has a price. Harry pays it—and Snape finds himself paying his own price in worry, doubt, awe, and something very much like love.
Request: (from gingertart50): Harry/Snape, Plot and characterisation, UST, romance, angst is ok as long as there is a happy or hopeful ending. unusual career choices. Post-epilogue romance with the children as matchmakers (sort of, in a backhand manner), one of the characters (or a family member) has a major problem, overcomes his pride and asks for help, and ends up with much more than he bargained for.
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This was created for fun, not for profit.
Author’s Notes: Happy Beltane, gingertart50! Thank you for giving such wonderful prompts; I had a lot of fun writing this. I hope this story isn’t too angsty for you; I’ve done what I can to lighten it without making it too fluffy, either. Thanks to L., who did a great beta job even though she detests Harry Potter.

As with all the fiction too long for one lj post, this story is hosted off-site.
http://hdsbeltane.slashyaoi.net/viewstory.php?sid=18
Please rememebr to return and review!

Page 1 of 2
<<	[1] [2]	>>

(Post a new comment)

gingertart50
2008-05-18 11:06 am UTC (link)

Oh wow, this was simply brilliant! I loved - LOVED - your bitter, suspicious Snape, poor James and clever young Al and your Harry, still a Gryffindor but grown up, and the wings! Oh those wings were wonderful! And so was Snape's incredible new career, using both potions and spells, so right for him, creative and clever without making him have to actually come into contact with many people.

This is a lovely, lovely fic, well-written, touching without being sentimental, not too angsty at all and once I started reading it, I couldn't stop. Thank you very much indeed. I can't wait to find out who you are!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 01:56 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! Harry I'm pretty confident with, but I don't normally write the children and Snape, and as I'm sure you know by now, this was my first Snarry, so I didn't know until I saw this comment how well it would work for you. I really enjoyed the chance to depict Snape's job; thank you so much for asking for unusual careers! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	aliciajd 2008-05-18 11:19 am UTC (link)
	This is outstanding. Very original and Severus and Harry 20 years post war have never been more believably in character. Great! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 01:56 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	ethereal_swan 2008-05-18 12:26 pm UTC (link)
	I loved this. Your description of Snape- fearing and distrustful of the outside world, yet yearning to cure people- even create a new kind of person with the kestrel wings- was vivid and touching. Well done. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 01:56 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I'm not sure even Snape notices his unconscious desire to be a Healer. (Reply to this) (Parent)

klynie1
2008-05-18 01:28 pm UTC (link)

Here on

gingertart50's IJ rec.

Brilliant story. I thought your Snape was spot on and your Harry very believable. I love the thought of Snape creating something that no one else has ever accomplished, be it an improved medical procedure or a set of wings that turns a man into a work of predatory art. Your pacing was excellent: once I started reading, I couldn't stop. Very original and gracefully written. Thank you.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 01:57 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. It's kind of difficult to imagine, for me, what Snape would have been like if he had survived the war; I think I maybe went too far in making him cling to old grudges. But it really suited the plot of the story, and as you note, his pride in creating something new helped him get past his distrust and hurt. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	djin7 2008-05-18 06:58 pm UTC (link)
	This was a very interesting piece, I found myself hovering on the edge of angst the whole time, and yet, such resolution! Healed children, possible futures, successful if a little twisted transformations. Wonderful! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 01:58 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! I wanted to avoid it making it just angst, angst, angst all the time, though with James injured and Harry making a sacrifice, it lingered there. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	bethbethbeth 2008-05-18 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	Wonderful story. Ordinarily, something like wing!fic would read entirely like crack, but you've done a wonderful job here. I particularly like how suspicious and petty Snape is at first...utterly believable. I'll absolutely be adding this story to my recs page after the reveals. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 01:58 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks. In a way, I didn't even realize what I wrote could fit into wing!fic genre until I was a third of the way through it, because, as you said, those are crack most of the time. (Reply to this) (Parent)

perverse_idyll
2008-05-19 07:30 am UTC (link)

Damn it. My entire post just got wiped out. I'll try to reconstruct it.

There's an oddly refreshing difference of tone in this fic than one usually finds in HP, with a psychological gravity, grace, and inwardness that I really enjoyed. At first I felt rather cool toward your Snape, because he seemed stuck in exactly the same place JKR had left him: stunted, self-absorbed, emotionally defined by grudges and guilt. But the fic proceeded to do for me what it does for Harry: it allowed me to watch Snape's attitude change in those small seismic shifts that are powerful enough to level cities when pressure slips along a faultline. It's deeply satisfying to chart Snape's twisted, twisting progress toward accepting Harry. Canon implies that Harry's capable of changing his mind about Snape; it's nice to know that Snape has the same resilience. And I love the poetic irony of Snape crafting the means to free himself from his stifling prejudice. Not that he could have anticipated that giving Harry wings would render him fundamentally incapable of ever seeing James in Harry again (and I loved that line - it was the first and deepest crack in Snape's assumptions, and it changed my perception of him in an instant). Nor could he have known that watching Harry fly would be an erotic experience tinged with awe.

I also appreciated a Harry capable of self-knowledge and reasonable empathy. And a big yes to his fascination with watching Snape work. That kind of interest in the real person, the man devoted to his art, really underscores Harry's maturity. Plus, of course Snape would be fascinating to watch. It makes perfect sense.

One of the biggest pleasures of this fic is the version of magic you've created. It riffs off Rowling's, but it's more complex and shamanic, and therefore (to me) more engrossing. I love every detail of magical practice and invention here. It seems absolutely fitting that Severus should have created a profession for himself that's part artistry, part healing, and part taxidermy - a combination of the spellbinding and the grotesque. It gives his brilliance at spell-crafting an outlet. It has a whiff of the mad scientist about it, and a tinge of Leonardo. (All those anatomical drawings and the obsession with flight.) Also, the magical injury you conjure for James, the descriptions of it, and the diagnostic spell, all help to ground this fic in its own magical reality.

Then there's the UST and the wonderful depictions of the wings themselves. You make the improbable utterly convincing. I adore Harry's flight through the sunset and Snape's fleeting awareness of it as a seduction. Best of all, perhaps, is the scene of Snape running his hands over Harry to check on the wing bonding - and mistaking Harry's nipple for an "anomaly." This is sexual enchantment of a high order, and yet Snape has no idea what he's doing. Consciously, at least.

Wait, I lied. Best of all (speaking as a Snape fan) is the portrayal of Snape as someone still capable of hope. His leaning forward to kiss Harry on the lips is an expression of bravery unlike any other he's attempted. In the books, his courage is constantly in evidence but it's of the bitterest kind. The risk he takes by kissing Harry isn't the sort of risk he's used to; it privileges desire over self-denial, pleasure over penance. The whole fic makes it emotionally convincing that he would finally step beyond the past and embrace the present.

I'm going to be turning this fic over in my mind, savoring it, for some time to come. I want more of this distinctive voice, the slanted beauty, the unsentimental intelligence. Lucky, lucky

gingertart50.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	gingertart50 2008-05-19 07:03 pm UTC (link)
	Aren't I a lucky gingertart? This fic is the crowning glory of the fest and it was written for me! I really enjoyed your deeply insightful comments (unlike my own, which was basically flailing and squeeing) (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) -

perverse_idyll, 2008-05-19 07:30 pm UTC

(no subject) -

featherofeeling, 2008-05-26 11:38 pm UTC

(no subject) -

lomonaaeren, 2008-06-13 02:03 pm UTC

	painless_j 2008-05-19 01:21 pm UTC (link)
	Wow. A wing!fic, and such a captivating one! I enjoyed it a lot! Snape was such a perfectly nasty bastard at first, and then such a perfectly insecure one. And wings, guh! Thank you! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:03 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! This was a first for me where both Snarry and wings were concerned; I'm glad you liked it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

torino10154
2008-05-19 01:59 pm UTC (link)

Wow. I don't know where to start: nasty!Snape at the beginning-an expert in his most unusual field (but very fitting), desperate Harry willing to do anything for James-as any parent would and then at some point the tables turn and Harry with his most cumbersome wings begins to soar ;) and in doing so, turns the situation to his advantage. Absolutely enthralling from the start. Well done.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:04 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! (Reply to this) (Parent)

dracofiend
2008-05-19 07:15 pm UTC (link)

Wow, wow, wow. Harry with wings has never been more gorgeous, even if he's running to fat and gray. And Snape! Augh. He was utterly perfect, just the kind of man I would never want to meet but always want to see Harry fall in love with. Wow. Those descriptions of Harry mantling his wings--I can't believe how vivid it is. This'll surely generate some fanart and I can't wait to see it!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	perverse_idyll 2008-05-19 07:37 pm UTC (link)
	Oooh, fan art. I certainly hope so. Especially if the artist stays true to the story and shows the fat and the gray. Including Snape's hair. I'd also love a depiction of Snape putting the new hand through its paces. That's one magical and memorably weird scene. Not your usual sort of mating dance! (Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) -

lomonaaeren, 2008-06-13 02:05 pm UTC

	qzee 2008-05-20 05:32 am UTC (link)
	a fascinating story full of twists and turns. Thank you for sharing it. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:05 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you for commenting! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	themadscriptor 2008-05-20 08:50 am UTC (link)
	Fantastic story. It absorbed me completely and really provoked genuine emotion. I especially loved the original (and detailed!)career for Snape -- it fit him perfectly, I think, what with his meticulousness and tendency to obsess. Thank you. :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:05 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I think that career really helped me characterize Snape, since I don't write about him often. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	alienor77310 2008-05-20 01:31 pm UTC (link)
	Excellent story with fascinating ideas. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:05 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! (Reply to this) (Parent)

cluegirl
2008-05-20 11:00 pm UTC (link)

The wings were the star of the show here. More than just window dressing, or deus ex machina, they were a character in their own right, and all the better for that. Severus was, of course, just as hidebound, hateful, and horrible as the canon creature we all know and love, and the grown up Harry was the ideal foil for his habitual ascerbity.

The only thing I have left to wish for, was that you might have seen your way clear to show us how sex would have worked with the wings involved. But I must not be greedy, so I will thank you for a lovely story instead.

Cheers!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

lomonaaeren
2008-06-13 02:08 pm UTC (link)

Thank you. I really would have hated to write a story where the wings seemed extraneous, since they were so much a part of the plot and I dislike pure plot devices.

Since characters after-canon present such a bewildering array of possibilities in terms of where they'll go and what they'll do, I'm also glad Snape and Harry seemed IC to you.

I did plan a sex scene for the original draft of this story. However, given how the characterizations developed, I think it would have had to be about twice as long to seem IC. And I'll admit it, I was scared; this was my first Snarry, and I wasn't sure I was up to writing a sex scene between them yet.

Thanks again for commenting!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

spidermoth
2008-05-21 03:57 am UTC (link)

Wow! This was a wonderful creation! Mystical and lilting and fable-like. I loved how central the wings were to the movement of the story, but how you kept them from taking the spotlight or becoming farcical. They had a majesty that was very beautiful and compelling.

There was a dream-like quality to this story that kept me fascinated with all of the interactions between characters. Even Ginny and Lily, Hermione and Ron, were given their due without overshadowing the essential storyline, or the reverse--being marginalized. I have quite the admiration for your control of this fic. It could so easily have gotten away from a less accomplished writer.

Thanks for sharing your amazing creativity with us. I'm really impressed.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:08 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I loved writing about the wings, so at times it was a struggle not to do just that and let them take over the story. That balance is what I strive so hard to achieve and often don't. Thank you for letting me know the characterizations worked for you here. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	syrosis 2008-05-21 06:20 am UTC (link)
	I really really liked this! Like Cluegirl, I would have loved to read a sex scene and seen how it would work with the wings, but even without the sex, the story is excellent! :D Will be reccing when I get the chance. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:09 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! Heh. Nervous about my first Snarry and writing against a deadline unfortunately did not encourage me to write a sex scene! Maybe next time. ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Anonymous)
2008-05-21 04:09 pm UTC (link)

What an interesting world! Snape's career is brilliant - such a clever idea, Snape as Frankenstein, almost, and your descriptions of him creating the hand and working on his other projects is almost squicky, and yet perfect for Snape and beautifully described.
I like that Harry's friends and family are real, and that he has such comfortable, secure relationships with them.
Thank you very much!
Philo

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:10 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I hadn't thought of the comparison to Frankenstein, somehow, but of course that's very apt. I'm glad you liked the minor characters, too. James originally was meant to play a larger part in the story, so I wasn't sure if his reduced role would work. (Reply to this) (Parent)

meri_oddities
2008-05-21 09:47 pm UTC (link)

So, wow. Your Snape was perfectly awful at the beginning. I'm afraid I didn't like him much, but your Harry was perfect. Totally IC, and he would do anything for his children. I went along with it.

I got to like Snape as we went along. He hadn't changed much from what we knew, but he did after a while, which is good. You can't stay the same forever, or there's just no point.

Anyway, I ended up liking the story a lot. I liked how Harry got to love the wings and how Snape totally came through for James. And how Snape and Harry got together.

Well done.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

lomonaaeren
2008-06-13 02:11 pm UTC (link)

Thank you! Characterization is a big concern of mine. Of course no one's Snape or Harry will be perfectly IC, since we are not Rowling, but I don't want them to be unrecognizable. And I don't write Snape a lot, so I kind of went overboard on the nastiness to compensate for lack of practice.

I totally agree on not being able to stay the same. I love stories that show change and progress in the characters.

Thanks for commenting!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

emila_wan
2008-05-25 09:42 pm UTC (link)

The writing in this is beyond amazing, and the story -- as magnificent as the wings themselves!

This made me literally laugh out loud: “It is fortunate,” Snape said, not quite under his breath, “that the Kestrel project depends on none of the functions normally assumed to be present inside the skull.”

And then I burst into tears when James did! What a roller-coaster ride of emotions you evoke!

Were you thinking of Pygmalion when you came up with this? It's absolutely fantastic in every way.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

lomonaaeren
2008-06-13 02:12 pm UTC (link)

Thank you so much! I wanted to create a story that was not entirely fluffy, but also less angsty than its subject matter might have been, since the point of the story is supposed to be recovery and healing, not wallowing in angst.

I wasn't thinking of Pygmalion specifically, no. I wanted an unusual career for Snape, came up with the idea of him creating artificial limbs and skin, and then came up with the idea of wings as what would force him to see past Harry's resemblance to James.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	twicet 2008-05-26 06:22 pm UTC (link)
	I loved this, especially the wings. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:12 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! (Reply to this) (Parent)

featherofeeling
2008-05-26 09:55 pm UTC (link)

Here via

painless_j, to whom I'm very grateful for reccing this fic!

First of all, the wings were beautiful! Your descriptions helped me understand, a little, how Snape or any craftsperson could fall in love with their creation and through it be so attracted to the person who wore it. By the end...well, Snape wasn't the only one being seduced in Harry's flight scene. *g* But it didn't feel at all like a monomania or kinky, which made it all the more compelling and honest.

Oh, he’d had his dreams of flying as a child...but since he’d come into the wizarding world, those had become dreams of flight on a broomstick. In some ways, magic narrowed his vision of the possible. That's a great observation about how the magical becomes mundane in the books, and how it probably would work in life. You, on the other hand, expanded my vision of magic in this fic. Your descriptions of it, your conceptions of what it is and what it means to people, were novel fodder for the imagination. As magic expanded the characters' views of each other and of the world, my thoughts of its beauty and importance of what a craftsperson could do with it expanded too. First Snape's wonder at the wings on Harry did it, then Harry's contemplations of Snape's craftsmanship of James's hand. Then it all just sort of came together when James cried, and I teared up, more at the hope and the return of something thought lost than anything else. The life-altering or seriously gorgeous possibility of magic doesn't come across in the books, I don't think.

You often captured the characters' mindsets in ways that felt quite genuine, like with Harry...could soldier through this just as he had through the times when he’d feared for his children’s lives, the three years of Auror training, and the week before he’d married Ginny, when he’d been so nervous that he’d vomited constantly. Plus, I really like that seemingly casual line about the pre-wedding week. (Just like I loved how you slipped the reason for Harry's unhappiness in marriage into his thoughts about being honest with people.) And Harry's unquestioning sacrifice brought a lump to my throat.

A couple of things left me wanting more explanation. For example, I didn't quite buy that Snape expected and wanted Harry to react with humiliation to the prospect of being experimented on, at first, and then with wonder and delight, although it intellectually makes sense. He missed Harry's impressed reaction to the wings, but was searching for one later, and he switched between thinking of the wings as being a gift and being inflicted. It's a fine line to tread, though, because of course they are both! And that aspect fascinated me especially.

In fact, I would have gladly read even more of an exploration of that tension in the project. Your description of a harness sinking into flesh and being permanently a part of someone's body was so vivid that it made me feel physically uncomfortable and rather anxious, and I felt so sorry for Harry while understanding Snape's desire to try them out and to see his host as nothing more. And I was fascinated by the psychological implications of having something put onto your body by a once-enemy, but received as a sacrifice, and how Harry would deal with losing his freedom like that! I'd hoped to see a fuller exploration of how Harry dealt with such an alien thing--forced upon him and never, ever able to come off--and how it started to feel like part of his body. I liked what there was (Harry's recognition that Snape had been treating him differently after the change and his gratitude for it) but would have loved to have seen more into his head.

I could have also used an explanation of how James didn't already know about the wings, since there's not much in Harry's personality that would indicate that he would deliberately get them--as well as, in general, how his job and other aspects of life were affected. The wings are just so fascinating that it would be amazing to get a closer view of how they affected people's heads and interactions, although their impact on the Snape/Harry relationship was creative and really well done. Anyway, this story delighted me. Thanks for writing it!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

lomonaaeren
2008-06-13 02:30 pm UTC (link)

Thank you! I had a hard time not just writing about the wings, which is probably why the description was so vivid; I cut it down from the original great big chunks. :)

I try very hard to make magic a part of every story I write; not only do I like it, it's inherent in the nature of the canon and makes HP separate from, say, a fic about a cop show. I'm glad it worked for you here, since I do tend to go in different directions from the HP books.

Glad you liked the little characterization moments; I also try to do that often, since I know I won't get to write the full story for everyone involved.

Snape's attitude is a contradiction, to be sure, but I meant it to be. He wants to humiliate Harry through the experimental aspect of the wings, but at the same time he would be in a huff if Harry didn't admire them. I think it's the same attitude he shows towards potions in the books, really; he wants his students to admire them and strive to do well even though his teaching is awful. :)

I do agree that the fic should have been longer, and at some point in the future I may rewrite it to include more of the way that Harry's wings affected his daily life. My main focus doing this story was on the relationship, since I'd written Harry as an Auror, father, husband, etc., before, but never as Snape's partner. And working against a deadline also made me worry about how long the story could be before I would have no time to revise it and send it to a beta. Those are factors that wouldn't matter in a revision.

Well, I didn't mean to hint that James didn't know about the wings; he definitely had seen them by the time Snape visited the hospital wing for the first time. That was probably just muddy writing.

Thanks very much for your thoughtful and insightful commentary!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

leela_cat
2008-05-29 04:03 am UTC (link)

I love the idea of Snape giving Harry wings - of them being an experiment. And the idea that Snape can't see Harry until he is wearing the wings makes a wonderful sort of sense.

Very very nicely done.

And if you ever decide to write more in this universe, I'll be there reading. I didn't quite want to leave when the story was done, and I definitely wanted to know more about Harry getting the hang of the wings and living with them and the reactions of people around him

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:30 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! Those were some of the ideas that really made me want to write this story. This story may have a sequel at some point, or a revision. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	hds_beltane 2008-06-06 03:24 am UTC (link)
	wow! harry with wings! i love harry's complete dedication to his kids. snape's new profession is so insanely cool, and harry with wings! wings that actually fly! thank you so much for participating in the fest. this was a great addition! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:31 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! A lot of this story was about taking ideas I thought were cool and trying to make them work in a "realistic" (more or less) context. Thank you for giving me the chance to do so. (Reply to this) (Parent)

heathen_arcade
2008-06-11 03:31 am UTC (link)

The plot was fascinating. The characters were very canon, but had something extra that worked for the situation. Snape started out very focused on his most negative qualities. I almost hated him -- and I adore Snape. It was wonderful to watch him grow and twist, like the wings, into something more.

And yay for Harry getting wings. That's just neat. ;)

Your Albus Severus is the coolest kid ever.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-13 02:32 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! Heh, lots of people have said that. I'm just glad Snape didn't turn into a caricature; I'm probably lucky I'd already planned how he would start seeing Harry as more than James's son. And thanks for the comment on Albus Severus! For some reason, I don't like him as much as many other fans don, so don't write him as often. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	headlesspuppet 2008-06-18 10:47 am UTC (link)
	I got here accidentally through Snarry Reader, how did I miss this fic first time around?? oh wow, Snarry with wings! one that's actually believable and making sense! everything in this fic is just right, I thought I would never get to read anything like this, thank you, thank you very much! Will you be writing another Snarry? this well is running dry D: (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lomonaaeren 2008-06-18 07:57 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! I honestly didn't realize this could be classified as wing fic until I was deep in the middle of it, but I really liked the plot, and I'm glad you did too. :) I may write another Snarry at some point; my main pairing is Harry/Draco, so that's what most of my ideas tend to center around. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Page 1 of 2
<<	[1] [2]	>>

Username:		Create an Account Forgot your login or password? Login w/ OpenID
Password:
	Remember Me
	English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…

About

Help

Get Involved

Legal

Store

LJ Labs